she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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