My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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