one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
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hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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