mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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