My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
