The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
