dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
