Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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