I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
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Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
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My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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