So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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