i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
