I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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