there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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