Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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