i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
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GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
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Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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