Betty ford says i'm here all night
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
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Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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