It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
