remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
