I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
