dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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