READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
