I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I have demons in me.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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