I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
