I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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