home. puking in laundry basket.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
