its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
