smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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