the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
