Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
