Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
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Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
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Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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