She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
