I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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