do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
