Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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