shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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