Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
