can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
