Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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