She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
