I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
