I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize