You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
