why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
