so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
