I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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