Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
