Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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