I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
