dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
