He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
