Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
