Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
