4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
