So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
