All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
