My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
