Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
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you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
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Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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