ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
