If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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