I wish I only lived at night.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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