So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
