I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
