I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
