i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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