Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
