you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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