i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize