I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
