It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
