he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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