just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
