I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we're making bets on your personal life
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
