He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
