worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
