My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
