Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
