I think i peed on brittanys purse
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
