I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
