I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
