The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
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You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
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Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize