Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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