three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
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Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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