How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
sex in a hospital.. check
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
