i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
