Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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