A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
