Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
