Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
