Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
