I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
